we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
