btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
