You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
