Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
