So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
