and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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