wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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