Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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