it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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