Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
