cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
