Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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