Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
