The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's the barista slut.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
