everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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