maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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