so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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