i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My life is pants optional.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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