This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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