So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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