Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
