I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
