omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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