I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
