She's JV to your varsity
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
