I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
