Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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