May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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