I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize