He disabled his match.com account in front of me
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
