The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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