alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize