I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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