so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize