his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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