her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
