Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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