i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize