we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
