I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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