Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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