Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize