You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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