my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
