Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
