this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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