I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
