I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
