I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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