When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
