i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
