there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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