i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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