I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
