Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
