I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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