I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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