clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
