She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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