He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
