this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
