theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
