Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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