There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
