New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
