My sheets look like a crime scene.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize