I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
