Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
