If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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