i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
be right there i have to get my cape
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
