I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
