actually, I'm a sock model
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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