The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
