Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
