i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
