i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize