He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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