maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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