so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
