I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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