Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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