gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
