Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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