Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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