I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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