Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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